Are fathers necessary? What is the typical view on the father-daughter relationship?
The Bible does not speak a lot about daughters or their roles in the family, but it does speak about fathers. The Bible has many verses on instructing the father how to teach and train his children.
Deuteronomy 6:7
"And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."(KJV)
Ephesians 6:4
“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”(KJV)
Now you ask "What does a father have to do with being a godly daughter?" Believe it or not the role the father plays in his children's life is huge. It has a major impact on them, both boys and girls, both in different ways.
Based on recent statistics, the right type of father is in high demand. In fact, loving, engaged and committed fathers are perhaps more important than ever before.
I went in search of what young ladies thought of their fathers and why a father's presence in so necessary. Sadly, all that came up was reports on the wrong kind of father-daughter relationship. Not only was it disturbing but so very sad to what the precious relationship has become.
So I searched deeper trying to find the answer to my questions, and in finding nothing at the moment, I decided to ask a friend, a mom, if she would describe her view on a father-daughter relationship when she was younger.
This was her reply:
"I had a really nice relationship with my father. I was sometimes disrespectful to him, and kind of allowed me to argue with him a lot. I was often scolded for correcting his grammar though. I was kind of a daddy's girl, but a lot of my friends did not feel the same way. A lot of my friends felt that their dads did not understand them or "get it". I remember several of my friends being amazed that my dad really took time to notice all the girly stuff that mattered to me or that I actually liked to talk to him.
I would stay up very late just to be with him and watch star trek and quincy on TV and twilight zone, and stuff that HE liked just to be with him. My friends thought that was odd."
That's just what I thought. The typical view on the father-daughter relationship is negative in the average girl's life. Does society encourage the father to play a major role in his daughter's lives? As I searched I found that no it doesn't, but why?
"I think people tend to be negative, and—I’m a feminist, but I’ll just say this flat out—I think we feminists are some of the worst when it comes to negativity. We start out with negative preconceptions about men as parents. We want to believe in the superiority of women as parents. Think about how you would feel, as a mother of daughters, if they turned to their father more than they turned to you for personal issues, or when they have problems with their girlfriends or their boyfriends. If they always went to him first and sometimes shut you out, that would hurt your feelings. And a large part of the reason it would hurt your feelings is that we have been told those are supposed to be mother-daughter things" (2)
"Even as this calamity unfolds, our cultural view of fatherhood, itself, is changing. Few people doubt the fundamental importance of mothers. But fathers? More and more, the question of whether fathers are really necessary is being raised. Many would answer no, or maybe not. And to the degree that fathers are still thought necessary, fatherhood is said by many to be merely a social role that others can play: mothers, partners, stepfathers, uncles and aunts, grandparents."Fathers aren't really being allowed to step-up to the plate and so they don't. Instead they let the mothers be the the main confidant in their daughters' lives, which is alright for the mother to be involved, but not when the father is almost completely out of the picture. (3)
Because of the above stated, fathers are missing out on being that special guy in their daughter's life until she marries, and because he's not there they go looking for that love and affection elsewhere. I found some opinions on what happens typically when the father, isn't gone, but absent in his daughter's life. Most gave the opinion that young ladies who have an active father in their lives are less likely to be promiscuous when they are in their teens and older.
"A Father who makes time to spend with his daughter helps build his daughter's self esteem. When a daughter feels love and support from their father they generally have good relationships with the opposite gender. If this nurturing experienced was missed by the girl, she will seek out the love of other males to replace this experience." (4)
"Having a father at home is no guarantee that a youngster won't commit a crime, but it appears to be an excellent form of prevention." (5)
"Girls with fathers are going to get a certain confidence that others without are going to find it harder to. You’ve got to remember that in this culture, most of the people girls see who have power and authority are men. So if they can get praise and recognition from the man in their family, it does, for them, carry a certain weight. If they don’t have that father in their family, they’re going to go looking for that praise and recognition elsewhere. Those girls, as they enter their teenage years, are more likely to be desperate for male approval, constantly thinking about the next boyfriend, or what do the boys think about me, or how do I get the boys’ attention. But once they get one—boyfriend, fiancé, husband—they’re constantly worried about him leaving. And so they become suspicious, overly dependent; they make their boyfriend or husband nuts by clinging to him. Nobody wants someone hanging on them all the time, like a child. There is some fascinating research out there about the advantages fathers give their daughters." (6)
Why do people think that girls don't need fathers? The simple answer is that people think boys need fathers so that they have a reliable role model. In the eyes of some people girls don't need to learn anything from a father. However, there is plenty a girl can learn and needs to learn from a father. Not just in terms of a male role model but in terms of love, commitment and faithfulness.
"My four daughters have grown into strong, independent women because of their dad's unwavering love and support. Over the years he's taught them many life lessons, including: let your work speak for you, look at the big picture..." (1)
Like I said before the Bible speaks so clearly on the role of the Father. He is necessary at all times in his daughter's life until he hands her off to another man in marriage. A girl should always have the love and affection of a man. When she's younger, her father, and when she becomes a woman, her husband. That is how God designed it and that's why men's roles are so vital, whether society says so or not.
The Bible says that in the End Days, when Elijah returns before Christ that the hearts of the fathers shall be turned to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers (
Malachi 4:5-6). Perhaps we are the generation that will be turned to the hearts of our fathers. I found an article entitled "
Top Ten Ways to Stay Close to Your Daughter As She Grows Up" that fathers and daughters might want to read over.
Girls, cherish the relationship you have with your father. Don't think ill of him or that he doesn't understand you. Look at the idea the world has put on him and refute it by being a daughter who does need her father and who does want him to be the only guy in her life until she marries.
Proverbs 4:1
"Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding."(KJV)
You should always being praying that the Lord would give you a meek and humble spirit, and you should always be praying for your parents. They have a big job in this life, raising children for the Lord, and your father especially because he is the leader of the family.
If you're a mom or a woman, what was your view on the Father-Daughter Relationship when you were younger?
If you're a young lady, what is yours and what do you cherish most about your relationship with your father?
Blessings to you as you Grow in the Grace of our Lord!
Sources: (1) Two Cents. (2)(6) The Lost Relationship: Fathers and Daughters. (3) (5) Life Without Fathers. (4) Girls With Out A Father.
Matt likes to have peas for most meals. Now, I will be honest here, and tell you that most of our children now hate peas, because we have had them so many times in the past year! But, we serve peas often, because Daddy likes them. And, along with that, we don't complain about having them, either!
