The Eye of the Beholder

This is a very important article about purity, true love, and conducting yourself in a discreet manner. Please make sure it is ok with your dad or mom before you read this.

by Sisterlisa

We see and hear the word love quite often now. People say they love Pepsi, the color pink, teddy bears, I love New York, etc. I believe that girls are more likely to talk about love than guys do and yet oftentimes they are misunderstanding what love really is. As a girl begins to notice a guy is nice looking, she may also realize that she gets butterflies in her stomach when their eyes meet. Girls become giddy over a guy speaking to her and read more into that conversation than what it is worth.

This last summer our family helped a young twelve year old girl and sent her to Bible camp. She was mesmerized by the guys and thought all the guys liked her. We asked her what made her think that they liked her and she said, “Because they’re talking to me and being really nice.” We had to explain to her that most of the guys in our church ARE nice, but are nice to EVERYONE. She truly thought that since they were being gentlemen that they had a romantic interest in her. I was concerned at how the guys from her school may have treated her. If our guys were so noticeably nice to her then there must have been a contrast between them and the guys she attended school with.

It’s natural when a girl notices a guy and she gets that tingly feeling in her tummy, it’s a natural curiosity. It’s also a natural curiosity for a cat to venture into an open road, and for babies who want to reach out for an electrical outlet. These things are fascinating to them, yet not always safe or the right time to explore. The feelings a girl has in her tummy when she notices a guy looking in her direction is not one to cultivate at such a young age. A lady should always be aware of the expression her eyes send to another person. The world acknowledges that the biggest form of flirtation is through the eyes, this is why women have found such an interest in makeup. They have found out how to attract a man to look into her eyes and she knows how to make her lashes longer and fuller, then she uses them to express the desires of her heart. A girl knows that the eyes are a powerful tool.

The eye can be used to cause the fall of man:
Just look at how Eve used her eyes to the fall of mankind.

Genesis 3:6, “And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.”

She was mesmerized by what she saw with her eyes then persuaded her own husband to disobey God. The eye sure can be deceiving and can be used for persuasion and inflict pain.

The eye can lead you astray:
Lot was persuaded by the eye to choose the well watered plain of Jordan, but refused to heed God’s wisdom about avoiding the sinful land of Sodom.

The eye can be used for hatred:
Sarah despised Hagar in her eyes after Hagar conceived from Abraham, and Hagar knew it.

Genesis 16:5, “And Sarai said unto Abram, My wrong be upon thee: I have given my maid into thy bosom; and when she saw that she had conceived, I was despised in her eyes: the LORD judge between me and thee.”

The eye can be weak and not see clearly:

When Isaac was old his eyes were dim and thus easily deceived by his very own son Jacob.

The eye is used for flirting:
Potipher’s wife used her eyes for wickedness in

Genesis 39:7, “And it came to pass after these things, that his master's wife cast her eyes upon Joseph; and she said, Lie with me.”

The eye can convince you to make excuses for sin:
You may have seen when someone is joking with you that they wink at you. By the use of a wink you know they are hiding something or kidding you. People also use the wink of an eye to make excuses for sin, as if winking makes it acceptable.

Job 15:12-13, “Why doth thine heart carry thee away? and what do thy eyes wink at,That thou turnest thy spirit against God, and lettest such words go out of thy mouth? ”

Proverbs 6: 12-14, “12 A naughty person, a wicked man, walketh with a froward mouth.
13 He winketh with his eyes, he speaketh with his feet, he teacheth with his fingers;
14 Frowardness is in his heart, he deviseth mischief continually; he soweth discord.”

The eyes can be used as a tool in witchcraft:

Nahum 3:4, “Because of the multitude of the whoredoms of the wellfavoured harlot, the mistress of witchcrafts, that selleth nations through her whoredoms, and families through her witchcrafts.”

Galatians 5:19-21, “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, 20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, 21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.”

Lasciviousness is arousing intimate desires. When a girl uses her eyes as a way to inform a guy of how she feels about him, she is arousing a desire in him, she is enchanting him, and is practicing witchcraft.

We must stop ourselves from using our eyes in a way that displeases the Lord.

Matthew 5:28-29, “28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. 29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.”

Now this doesn’t mean that if you have wrongly gazed at a guy that you should literally pluck your eye out, but we should be guarding our eyes. Remember the little song, ‘Be Careful Little Eyes What You See’ We know that the Father sees everything we do and he knows everything we think.

Proverbs 5:21, “For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings.”

Proverbs 15:3, “The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.”

Matthew 12:25, “And Jesus knew their thoughts, and said unto them, Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and every city or house divided against itself shall not stand:”

We don’t want to allow our eyes to divide our thoughts and hearts from the Lord. Many cultures have etiquette for proper eye contact. The Japanese use the rule of 25% eye contact during a conversation.

It is not lady like or appropriate for a girl to gaze into the eyes of a guy, it shows a lack of temperance, decorum, and propriety. Here are some simple rules for eye contact etiquette for a proper young lady.

1. If a lady is being spoken to by another teen guy, be sure you have a chaperon to assist in godly communication and accountability. There was a time when girls and guys did not have private conversations and we need to bring that back into our culture.

2. When in a group conversation keep your eyes on the adult leading the conversation.
If a guy wants to have a conversation with you, it would be wise to have them speak to your father first to request permission. This is not in regards to casual conversations at church, but rather if he wants to get to know you better. If the guy wants to speak to you on a regular basis and pursue a deeper friendship. This has become such an outdated rule of etiquette, yet it is not beyond our reach to bring back. Now I understand how silly it would sound if a guy approached you to speak to you and you said, “You’ll have to ask my dad for permission before I can talk to you” yet we need to work on bringing such manners back. You can speak to your father and let him know that you would like to have him be a part of your social conversations. Staying close to a parent or other trusted adult when in the company of other teens is wise.

Should a teen guy want to speak to you, then you already have accountability by your side. A wise father standing by would approach you and any guy who attempts to speak to you and engage in the conversation. If the teen guy shies away from speaking to you because of the presence of your father, then he has no business speaking to you, for he has shown a lack of respect for you, your father, and the Lord.

A teen guy who wants to speak to you in respect and for godly communication will not shy away from accountability. During this conversation you can glance at the eye of the guy, but keep looking back to your father’s eyes. A proper young man will recognize that you are honoring your father and in turn gain more respect for you as well as your father.

My daughter, Lady Jess, describes her eye contact etiquette to me like this:

“A girl has that discernment, other people call it intuition, it tells you that you’ve looked at their eyes for too long. When you ignore that intuition for too long you lose your ability to respond to it.”

3. Pray for manners. You can pray before attending a social function and ask the Holy Spirit to help you guard your eyes during conversations.

4. Avoid looking for eye contact. Some girls actively look around a room hoping for gaining eye contact with a guy they like. This is inappropriate behavior for a lady who wants to please the Lord.

As we adopt these vintage manners back into our lives, we are restoring our hearts to proper courtship in the future. We must renew our heritage as Christian ladies and begin to incorporate godly eye contact back into our every day relationships.

Sisterlisa is the owner and Editor-in-Chief of Growing in Grace Magazine and owner of AGMinistries, a devotion blog for women. She is married and homeschools her four children while remaining active in community service and leads the deaf ministry at her church.