Apparently every girl is suppose to have had at least one boyfriend and heartbreak before she graduates from high school. The whole thing really confuses me. I'm not sure why parents would want to give up their daughters to other men, or why they would want them to go through any such heartbreak, but it's something that seems to be expected.
When I spoke with a journalist, a few weeks ago from a very large, secular ladies' magazine, one of her questions was "do you date?". She was surprised to find that I was "saving" myself for one person. I gave her the example of the full M&M jar, and every time you flirted, dated, got emotionally attached, held hands, or kissed one who was not your husband you were given away an M&M from your jar. Many times, today, girls get married with a very empty jar of M&M. They've given pieces of themselves to boys here and there, and it's acceptable. The journalist was very impressed with this analogy, and really never thought about "giving yourself" away like that.
It is a completely normal thing in this century to have a boyfriend, if not several, throughout your teenage years, starting when you're not even a teenager. I've heard and known girls as young as eight having a boyfriend. That really kind of disgusts me. They should be playing dress up and learning how to be a young lady, not holding hands or kissing a boy or lusting after "mr. handsome". Having a boyfriend and then losing him also gives girls an insecurity that they aren't "good enough", which is something they should never feel.
Homeschool kids are usually under the watchful, protective eyes of their parents, but there have been some I've known that had boyfriends and have been allowed to play the whole dating game. However, the main factor that is fueling this sin is systems where parents' presences are lacking. Places where kids are spending hours and hours at a time with kids, those of the opposite sex, where they are not supervised by their parents.
Matthew 5:28
"But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."
It has been awhile, but I can recall many accounts of when we would see someone we knew from church, who would come up to talk to us, and tell us all about their family. I would just cringe every time I'd hear a mother, proudly comment, "Sarah has a boyfriend now, and she'll be turning thirteen in a few months! Where does the time go?" Then she would laugh to ease out of the conversation when she'd realize mother and I weren't really impressed.
Whenever I hear of such things I just think, "how sad". Having a boyfriend is something the world has created, and it's perverting what God has designed for marriage. Having a boyfriend is no different than committing adultery. You're giving a part of yourself away to someone else's (future) husband, and he's taking something from your(future) husband.
Deuteronomy 22:22
“If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel."Proverbs 6:32
"But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul."Proverbs 30: 11-13
"There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother. There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness. There is a generation, O how lofty are their eyes! and their eyelids are lifted up."
It is a lie that you can be pure and have a boyfriend. Becoming emotional attached is impure. Flirting is impure and imprudent. Kissing is impure. Holding hands is impure. Spending time alone with someone of the opposite sex is impure. You don't have to have an pre-marital relationship with a boy to be impure, and there have been many who have done the above with the idea that "it wasn't wrong". Because they were allowed to be affectionate towards one another then one thing led to another and then you can't go back.
Hebrews 13: 4-5
"Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."Ephesians 5:31
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”
The Bible obviously doesn't say the words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" but there are verses, like the ones above, that speak about marriage. In Ephesians you read that there is no room for any relationships in terms of dating with anyone before marriage. Until you marry you are to be with your parents. The Bible says "and man shall leave his PARENTS and hold fast (take) a wife". There is nothing in between. The one in Hebrews speaks of honouring marriage and keeping the marriage-bed undefiled. Those who don't, those who allow themselves to commit affectionate or sexual adultery will be judge by God.
Not to mention that playing the boyfriend-girlfriend game sets teens up for divorce. When they're tired of "Jared", they can simply dump him. How will that work when they're tired of their husband? Simply dump him too?
Matthew 19:9
"And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.”
When my sister and I were younger my mother told people that we wouldn't be dating until we were at least 18. Can you imagine why my mother would have to tell someone that when we were four and two? Because even then people made remarks about having a boyfriend to a four-year-old!
Recently when we took a trip down to Louisiana to stay with some family my Uncle asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I told him "no" we looked at me oddly and said, "well why not?" My reply was simple, "I only need one and I don't need him right now." He was baffled and just couldn't understand it. People have been trained to automatically think that if you're able to do algebra then you should have your own cell phone, have a boyfriend, and a driver's license to go out with him. Sadly this is a lie and Satan has used it for decades to draw people away from the calling of a pure Christian. Because of this whole dating-game we have a lot more problems with teen-pregnancies, rebellion, abortion, and divorce. We have taken our eyes off Jesus and have fallen to the flesh.
The Bible instructs us as His people to keep ourselves holy. We are to follow His commandments and keep ourselves pure until the Man He designed for us comes along. I just don't think any girl will marry at the age of eight or in their teen years. There simply is no need for a boyfriend at all. God's people had special instructions and customs of how the marriage between a couple took place. I can assure you that the girl didn't meet some guy at her work and bring him home to meet "mom and dad" to approve of. I know that we aren't going to go back to the way the Jewish people went through the process of marriage, but we must stop this perversion of marriage. We must remain pure until we are older to marry and then we must rely on God and our parents to help us meet Prince Charming.
There are a few requirements that God has set for us when we marry.
1. We are not to marry an unbeliever. God requires we marry a man who has a firm relationship with Him so he can lead his family spiritually.
2 Corinthians 6:14
"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?"
2. We must be pure when we enter the union of marriage. Not defiled in any manner.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
"For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:"
3. You must be faithful to your spouse and not break the union which you made before God. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly.
Matthew 5: 31-32
"It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."
I've been told "well, it's natural for me to have these thoughts. What can one do?" The Bible says to take all thoughts captive to Christ. If you have feelings for someone you should be praying and studying the Word for guidance. Take all those thoughts captive to Christ. Don't let your flesh and emotions run wild. Don't keep it a secret from those who can encourage and help guard your feelings. Tell your parents. Ask them to pray for you to remain pure in thought as well in action.
"I only need one boy and I won't need him until he's a man"
Shalom
22 Comment(s)! Please Leave A Comment!:
Great article MJ!!! I agree with you all the way. There is absolutely NO need for boyfriends.
Oh and my "Modesty is For Guys Too" post is up :)
-Miss Elizabeth
That was great! I agree with all of it. Not many people now a days really care. It's sad.
Great Job!
Cynthia
Jocelyn,
Excellent article! I love all you said and I think you hit the target on this subject. You are full of wisdom.
I don't care how "odd" it seems to the world--I am waiting for only one man; the one God has for me and who will one day be my husband.
Thanks for writing this!
~~Brooke
Thank you! This is such a great post. I don't have a 'boyfriend' prob. won't for a LONG time just not something I need right now and no young girl does. Sara and I were talking about that the other day there are little girls having children, where has childhood gone to? I respect my parents decision not to let me 'date' and I will not 'date' a guy I'm going to court him if anything. Some times I find myself thinking how hard it is not to 'date' and then I see teen's in the mall being completely rude and vulgar and they call that a relationship. Your post gives encouragement!
1. We are not to marry an unbeliever. God requires we marry a man who has a firm relationship with Him so he can lead his family spiritually. AMEN! LOL I'm so glad you put that in there. Great job MJ!
Thank you for such a mature article. I have two young girls and a young boy and what a good example you set for them. It is so easy, even as a parent, to look around and buy into what the world says about relationships. I pray I will be able to instill in my children your sweet desire to stay in the will of God.
That was wonderful, Miss Jocelyn!
I completely agree and you phrased everything so well. Bravo! :)
Julia
*applause*
Well said! I've gotten the "boyfriend question" more and more as I get older. I'm proud to say that I don't date around!
I love this article! Everyone is always shocked that I can't have a boyfriend. I used to feel bad for myself, but now I'm glad that my mom cares so much about me.
Amen sista! You have really got it down. Thanks for encouraging all us ladies in keeping ourselves pure!
Serenity
Thanks for your thoughts on this!
another great article!
Finally an article I can read with our two teenage girls, regarding the same thoughts and beliefs my husband and I have!
Thankyou so much! Keep up the good work!
Kaitlyn often is asked if she has a boyfriend and then why not. She has a hard time getting them to understand that she is not interested at playing mini marriage and mini divorce and that she wants to remain not just physically pure, but spiritually and emotionally pure, as well.
It is good that she can find like minded friends online!!!
Wow, that is very true. Amazing! Thanks for putting that up and being bold! It hurts me too when I see kids at the tender young age of 10 having a love of the opposite gender. It's very disgusting! When I was that age I didn't even know what it was like to 'like' a boy. Now you have kids at 8 who know more than me and I'm double their age! I'm shocked. I have committed to stay pure till the day my prince charming comes!
What a wonderful testimony we will have!
I started dating, really dating, when I was 14. Now, looking back, I wish my parents wouldn't have allowed it. Every time you get involved in a relationship like that, you give that person a piece of your heart. It's not like friendships.. it's so much different. And now, I wish I didn't have the memories I do with the people I dated.
Thankfully, I can learn from my mistakes and my parents mistakes.. and see to it that I guide my children away from those things.
I always thought it was "the norm"... and people who didn't allow their children to date were fuddy duddies!
This is So true! Luckily, I have never had to deal with the whole boyfriend thing. I may have gotten asked about it once or twice before I graduated from highschool, but I haven't gotten asked recently. This could be because I announced in my graduation speach that I was planning on doing courtship (not dating) and was trying to follow the Lord's leading in every aspect of my life.
I also have yet to own a cell phone (and I'm nearly twenty!) No one in my immediate family owns one. We just don't have the money, and we only have one vehicle anyway.
Love in Christ,
Jessica
Thank you so much for the great posts on dating and courtship! Your posts have made me decide that I will never ever date, only court. Savannah
Hi! This was great! But there was something that just sort of made me feel uneasy, because I've said them before without thinking. And then I realized that I was giving others a wrong idea. I believe in courtship but, is holding hands really impure? Because girls do that with one another when they are little. Is kissing really impure? My mom kisses me every night before I go to bed.
Is spending time alone with a boy really impure? I've said this same thing before, but then, when you're sitting in a room talking with a boy, and everyone else just happens to leave, are you commiting a sin? Even if you don't care a thing for one another at all, you just happen to be the only two in the room?
I loved your article greatly, it's just- I'm not sure how to word it- sometimes we Christians say things-and people get it all wrong.
I didn't want to make you feel like your article was bad, I just wanted to share something that I've learned. I don't mean to come across as discouraging- I think you are a very talented writer ma'am, and I loved this!
Hi there Rachel
Thanks for your comment. I stand behind everything I've written in the article and everything was written with intention and nothing without thinking.
Is kissing impure? No. Your mother isn't going to kiss you as you would your husband though, and you aren't going to hold your girlfriends hand as you would the love of your life.
Is s*x impure? No. It's not. It's a beautiful thing the LORD created for a purpose, but if it is done outside the marriage bed then it is impure and sinful.
Is sitting alone in a room with a boy wrong? No, and that's not what I said either. I said spending time alone with someone of the opposite sex. One on one time is a special bonding time between people and what is the purpose of two people, not married and not related, spending time alone with each other?
I am a bride. I am walking down the aisle right now. I have been since I was born. I'm wearing my white, pure gown right now. It is my parents duty as well as my own to keep my gown white until I do finally get to that alter, before the LORD and commit my life to the man and to the union. Ladies who come to the alter today all have their gowns blemished and spotted. These spots come from holding hands and kissing other men along the way. Each time you do hold someone's hand in an intimate way you are blemishing yourself for your husband.
Is going down to the bar, not to drink, a sin? No, but it can lead you into something you never intended because you put yourself in that position. Can going to the bar make you lose your salvation? No, but it can blemish you as the spotless bride of the Lamb.
When we do these things all we think of is "it won't hurt for me to hold his hand, we're not sinning". No, but you are blemishing yourself for the man who's waiting for you. How you would like it knowing he's being so affectionate towards another woman, when you are to be his wife? I would not and I don't think he would either. I am also guarding myself against marrying the wrong man because I allowed myself to be led down the wrong path because "it wasn't hurting anything".
A know a young man who was engaged to a young lady for a few years. They had known each other for a long time and then courted and then got engaged, and he asked his parents' permission if he could hold her hand and kiss her on the cheek, etc because she was "the" one he was going to marry. "There is no other". Then a few months ago they called off the engagement. Some things weren't going to work out and then ended up not getting married, but they both gave pieces of each other to each other because they knew they were going to marry, and now he will never get back that first time of holding hands affectionately with the woman he will marry because he already gave it away.... before he married. It's important to save everything for the marriage bed. Not right before, but after. We have to wait. Wait until we are his and he is ours, otherwise we may end up losing that precious moments to someone else, and this is the same thing with boyfriends and courtship.
By the grace of Adonai may we live and love Him.
Miss Rachel Danielle,
The idea of this article Miss Jocelyn wrote is to encourage girls to be as pure as possible. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being as pure as you can. The Lord is very pleased with that.
As a parent, and former girl of the world before getting saved, I can testify that being alone with a boy is not wise. You may not understand that now, but you will someday.
I personally feel you comment about your mother kissing you goodnight and holding hands as little girls with your friends has no bearing on this article and it seems argumentative.
A physical relationship is a beautiful things, when in the marriage covenant between a man and a woman. When you give your heart to someone at a young age then it breaks off it is quite painful. The emotional bond you allow in your heart will leave an imprint there for the rest of your life. Miss Jocelyn is right, do you want to marry a young man who has had girls leave imprints on his heart? What if ends up having her as a secretary someday at his job? Would you feel safe and confident knowing he is spending all day with his high school sweetheart?
Our articles at GGM are not meant to stir up debates, but rather encourage others who are aiming for these goals.
Sisterlisa
Miss Jocelyn,
I actually do feel it is extremely unwise and unsafe to enter a bar and having a drink is as well. It is an ungodly place crawling with unsafe beings that want to follow intoxicated people home and wreak havoc in their homes. *I agree it most definitely leaves a spot on us as The Bride.* For me, I would feel as if I was committing a sin by going into a bar for a drink.
Keep in mind I am the director of a recovery ministry for women and my husband is for the men's facility. We see those mistakes far too often.
Sisterisa
I do too think it unwise, and I was making that reference because I know some men go to bars to watch a game - putting yourself into that position is dangerous, for you and others, but going there won't make you loose you salvation just as holding hands with a boy won't either - that's the comparison I was trying to make. :)
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