Family Matters

It’s been just one full year since I saw my family spread so thin that we rarely had any time together as a family. My husband works, and each of my children at the time were all involved in various other activities that kept us all in different locations for extended periods of time. Now there is nothing sinful about going to a activity with good people and having godly fellowship, but when our schedule became so busy that there was no longer family time, then we had to make an adjustment in our lives. It was time to pull the family back in together.

Some may say that they wouldn’t want to spend so much time with their parents, or siblings, and yet why is that? Why would a teen girl desire to be with her friends over choosing to be with her parents? Why is spending the night with a friend more important than being with your sister? Why is it that some parents want their child to get ‘out of their hair’ for a night? I can understand a mom and dad wanting to get our for a nice dinner together, it’s important for the marriage to have time alone away from the children, but what I’m talking about is a parent who strongly desires to be away from their children just to be away from them.

The other day my girls were at a group meeting at church and my girls decided to sit together. A few of my older daughters friends asked why she had her little sister sitting with her. They questioned her as if this was an unpleasant thing. She spoke right up, without hesitation, and said she likes having her sister sit with her. This is not the normal response from most teens today.

I have found that since having my children home with me, it has brought our family closer together. If you wanted to learn how to be a great seamstress you would spend more time practicing your sewing skills. If you desired to be a better baker you would spend more time reading, studying, and practicing baking more. Let’s say you wanted to learn graphic design, well then you would spend hours and hours perfecting your talent. Maybe you want to play the piano, do you spend just one or two hours a week practicing? As a stay at home mom with my children at home I have had so much more hands on practice being a mom and have seen such blessings come from this.

My family isn’t perfect by any means. We have areas we each need to work on to become better people, yet we have seen such incredible improvements in our family relationships. Last night, as I was settling into bed, I noticed a light through the crack of the door jam. I was tired and not wanting to get up again, yet I didn’t want to shout through a closed door and wake the rest of the family, so I got up to see who was still awake at such a late hour. As I quietly tip toed through the living room I could hear whispering coming from one of the rooms. As I leaned in to see what my older two girls were doing, I was so pleased to see that they were praying together. What a difference from the girls I knew just a year ago that wanted nothing to do with each other. Yes, bringing them home full time was indeed the best decision we made for our family.

Where are you in your family relationships? Where is your strongest desire in your relationships? Is your family the most important relationship you have aside of Christ? Are you placing more importance on your friends than your family? Do you forsake your sister to fit in with the girls you know?

Spending time with family is such a valuable asset to our lives. Now maybe your family isn’t very connected this way. Maybe you trust your friends more than your family. I know that while I was growing up, I became closer to my friends than my family and had my parents tried to keep me away from my friends, I would have rebelled. I grew up in the public school, spending large portions of time with my friends and once I became a young teen, I chose spending the night with friends over going to see family members in another city.

Both my parents worked long hours and my mom taught me to cook the family’s dinner over the phone. By the time we came to sit at the table for dinner, we had just about fifteen minutes to chat over dinner then it was time for me to clean the kitchen. After that it was time to prepare for bed and then onto another day with a similar schedule. I used to look forward to the weekends when my parents had time off, until I was a teen. Once I was about fifteen years old I could take the bus or ride my bike to a friend’s house. Once I was sixteen and had my driver’s license, I was ready to go from school to work each night. My family time became less and less until I didn’t want to go back.

I became eighteen years old during the school year and moved out before I even graduated high school. I still graduated and worked hard to provide for myself, but my family relationships became so weak. I rarely if ever called home to speak to my family. I recall my mom calling me to tell me that my sister missed me. She was just nine years old and I didn’t want anything to do with a little sister. I was too busy and had my own life. Mom pleaded with me to spend time with my sister. I made arrangements to spend an afternoon with her, but only out of obligation to my mom. I loved my sister, but I didn’t really know her. I hadn’t spent much time with her at all.

Once I graduated from high school I moved to another state. I was such an independent girl, had a job, a car, and an apartment by the time I was nineteen years old. In the world today that would be seen as successful, yet my family was falling apart. My first birthday away from home I didn’t hear from anyone! When I called my grandma to talk to her about my frustration she replied with such a sweet honest answer. “Lisa, you missed your Mother’s birthday.” Her words struck me with such a blow that I was speechless. I had become such a selfish person! I had to begin to mend my family relationships on my own. The ball was now in my court. Now maybe you’d say that the fault lies with my busy parents, and maybe so, yet I made my choices on my own. It was a long road back to becoming a family again and it took many years to mend our family connection and yet even now, seventeen years later, our family still struggles to maintain a solid relationship in unity. This is certainly not what I want to see happen within my own family now.

If you have a family that has a difficult time connecting, it’s not too late to mend those relationships. Life isn’t about friends, fun, and money. Life isn’t about working a job, buying a car, or spending the night with a friend. It’s the family that matters. Come by and review the tips that Mrs. D. shared last month in her article under Bridging the Gap, Mother and Daughter Time. Begin Bridging that Gap, and bring life back to your family today!

Ephesians 6:1-2, “Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise.” (KJV)