The Basics of Showing Respect
As a young lady of almost seventeen years of age I have come to find out the utter importance of manners. Manners give people a reputation and often acquaintances, depending on the manners, good or bad. This is why it is so important to have proper manners and etiquette. Not only will people hold you in high regard,but they will want to be around you.
When I was younger I remember being quite a loud girl, who often voiced her opinions too freely. After I figured out why I had no friends, I made it one of my goals to become a more tranquil, sweet, mannered young lady. It has served me well and, though I am still myself, I am a much more pleasant person to be around.
As Christians we can look to the Bible for guidance for manners. The Bible teaches love for one another and encourages us in maturity. It tells us how to think of others first, how to honour our parents, and how to turn the other cheek.
Throughout the Victorian age in England, proper etiquette was key in achieving self-image and admiration. From day to day social behaviour, to personal relationships, etiquette during in the early 1800’s was a dominant force affecting the actions of the people.
During my short life, I have often found that within the past three-four decades our culture has lost all respect of manners. They think them silly and a way for youth to be put down by the adults. They don't see it as a way of showing maturity or lack therefore.
" Manners are not something that the gentlemen and ladies of the 19th century used only. "
My Great Grandparents, now in their late eighties, are very shocked by people's behaviour today as they grew up in an era where "That isn't Katherine to you missy. It's Mrs. Carter".
They were taught how to have table manners, not to interrupt, and how to be socially well-mannered.
Of course manners can be relative to the culture. In the Middle East it is polite to belch after a meal to show you enjoyed it. However, most manners that I will talk about are welcomed in most societies.
Manner #1 Proper Titles
You should always greet someone, especially if they are an elder, by their correct title: sir, madam, miss, lord, lady, etc.
Why is this so important? It shows that you have respect for this person, who is in fact older, and who deserves it. First and foremost show your parents respect. They are the ones who have put their time and love into your life. Don't disregard them for another adult’s affection, advice, or admiration.
You should never call any adult by their first name, unless they are very close. When I have called my mom's friends Mrs. ____ some have replied and told me they didn't mind me calling them "Heather". However, I choose not to do so because I want to be as polite and respectful as possible. As young ladies, I do not believe we should ever call a gentleman by his first name who is out of the five years your senior range. It is too personal for a gentleman and a lady.
If you blog online with adults you should either ask for their first initial of their last name and call them Mr./Mrs. (ie) B or if they're not inclined to give it out, just call them by their blog name or Mrs. Lisa.
"Always make sure your parents know who you're blogging with, adults especially. "
I posted these similar rules of proper manners on my blog last year and afterwards many started calling me Miss Jocelyn. I have friend whom I call "Miss Elizabeth", and it is a sweet way to show love and respect for a friend. Greet with the proper title.
Manner #2 Greeting Properly
Upon one’s first encounter with a new acquaintance, it is not acceptable for one address the other in a less than formal manner. Remember Manner #1, and when guests arrive always be sure to greet them.
"Don't stand back and wait for them to greet you."
As the host you should welcome anyone into your home with open arms and a cheerful smile.
All greetings should be carried out with the same tone of voice–no favouritism should be shown. Don't stand in the back for one guest and run people over for another, who may be a favourite. Greet everyone the same. Don't make one feel like a queen and another a peasant. Greet each properly.
Manner #3 Show Interest
"Despite your interest, or lack thereof, it is only proper to show apparent sympathy with the situation at hand."
It is polite to look directly at someone when they are speaking to you. Give them your full attention and respect. It is polite to respond to an adult with a "yes, sir", "yes, ma'am", especially your parents. Don't answer with a "yeah", "huh?", "what" or "nah" for it shows that you may not be listening or that you may not really care about you were asked or told. Show interest.
Manner #4 Giving Preference
Always be sure to ask others around you (parents, siblings, friends, companions, adults) for their selection or thoughts. If you're going out to dinner make sure not to pick your favourite restaurant, but ask for others'. Never make a decision, that will involve those around you, on your own.
Never argue with an adult. Give them the preference. As I know a lot of extremely smart, intelligent kids, we must be careful not to get prideful and never to argue with an adult, whether you're right or wrong. You may humbly agree to disagree, but debating with an adult is not acceptable and will give you a bad reputation.
You don't always have to voice your opinions. It is like the story that Jesus told about the feast. When man walks in and takes the highest seat, he may have to be moved and will be embarrassed, but the man who takes the lowest seat, may be moved up and honoured. Be the humble person and show that you (and your opinion) don't always have to be first. Give preference.
Manner #5 Hold The Door
This manner is more for gentleman, but there is not always a gentleman present. If you ever see a woman or elderly man needing help with a door be sure to go open it for them. If you're walking up to a store and there is an older lady or mom with a few kids behind you, wait a minute and let them go first. Hold the door, but of course never let a gentlemen miss a chance to hold the door for you. If someone does hold the door for you, don't be rude and refuse them, say thank you and go in.
Read: "Georgisms" By George Washington
We own a book titled, “Georgisms”, which is a book written by George Washington himself. He started keeping a book of manners, and the amazing thing about it is that he wrote them when he was very young. I am not sure, but I think when he was fourteen. Reading this book of manners that he thought were vital shows me what kind of true gentleman he was. There are a 101 manners to learn and all will help you become a polite young lady of many acquaintances.
I hope you've learned a few manners from this month's Think Pink, and you will apply them, not only to friends and acquaintances, but to your family and siblings.
6 Comment(s)! Please Leave A Comment!:
Ok I just have to say that 'Miss' and 'Jocelyn' sounds SO pretty together. :O)
Our pediatrician ALWATS says Miss Jessica, Miss Monica, Miss Virginia(Gina's real name) and then she says Mister Timmy. lol I guess we'd actually say Master Timothy?
Hey Miss Jocelyn,
I posted about it on my blog. I'm so excited!!
Love, Miss Elizabeth
Lovely job, Jocelyn! I enjoyed reading this very much. You are such a talented writer no doubt!
Love,
Brooke
Miss Jocelyn
I just loved reading this article and I can't agree more. We do need to practice our manners more these days. I am homeschooled and my mother has always taught me to respect my elders and address them properly but so many times people tell me they feel so old when I address them in that way. I will continue to do so and pray that Manners will once again be important in the world.
Thank you for sharing it with me.
Very well written!
One exeption to the "don't call adults by their first name" is usually your youth leader. I call him Calvin, (his first name). He has a rule though, you have to call him Mr.- untill you are 12. When you turn 12, then you can call him Calvin.
Anyway . . .
Kate
Hi Kate-
I am so glad to see you here at GGM!! :)
I can totally understand where you are coming from. There are pastors and youth pastors who have that rule nowadays. The issue isn't really whether they say you can call them by their first name or not, but rather, is it proper to call them by their first name or not.
There are a lot of practices in today's culture that do not reflect proper manners, and it is improper, based on manners, for a young adult to call a pastor by his first name. Same goes for youth pastors, teachers, coaches, bosses, and other people in a leadership position. The fact that they have that position of authority over you affords them that title, and young girls especially should guard their hearts against calling any young man who is older than they, in any position, by their first name. It is a matter of propriety, which is something greatly disregarded in today's world.
Propriety
I am by no means saying you are being disrespectful. I just mean, that, as Jocelyn's article states, It is proper to call him by his title or by Mr. and not his first name. This also separates the kids from the adult (being your yp), which is proper.
Sincerely, Mrs.D
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